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What relationships need a reboot and five steps to do that

Cora VoronkovLife
What relationships need a reboot and five steps to do that

Rebooting the relationship.

I'll say two things right away.

First, if you think that rebooting a relationship is like a computer - you press a button and it's all about the same protocols - you're wrong.

Secondly, don't expect revelations, I will say honest but well-known things. In some ways, boring things. It is them that we omit in our lives and that destroy all life. I am sorry for that. I'm not to blame.

So, what does a relationship worth rebooting look like? Usually, they look like they feel like. Either a pain in the ass or a heart. It depends on the time and mood. Everything seems to look good, smooth and nice, but it's dark inside. The feeling of being one step away from cheating, escalating conflicts, or everyone starting to live "their own life." There are no secrets. Do we recognize it? Do we press the button?

What relationships need a reboot and five steps to do that

My stance is based on a firm belief that has been confirmed many times.

"AWARENESS + DESIRE + ACTION = POSITIVE CHANGE".

How do I stick to this? My clients (although I don't like the word clients) come to me and tell me that they have been doing something for twenty years and it stops working.

I tell them, "DO IT DIFFERENTLY."

They say to me, "THIS WON'T WORK!"

And I'm like, "IF YOU'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR TWENTY YEARS AND IT'S NOT WORKING, MAYBE IT IS?" (I'm always very nice when I do this)

"No. Well, what are the planned dates? What kind of nice words? Well, what compliments every day? What lists? We know each other like the back of our hands!".

I say, "That's it. Sort it out on your own. You can even bark."

It works.

Everything is simple. Catch the algorithm.

1. First, you need to decide what you have chosen. If you chose this person, then go with it. If you don't like them, get a divorce and break up. Do not torture you and your lover. Everything else is self-deception. You can leave in any condition. I know this for sure.

2. If you have decided to continue, you need to invest. Write it down on a post-it note and hang it on the fridge or get a tattoo and remember it all the time, "LOVE IS CARE". And what is care? It is oxytocin! Real oxytocin! Self-produced! With such a hormonal background, you can launch anything: romantic love or passion. In addition, those who learn to give will be able to start receiving. Arithmetic. Sounds trite, right? But try it!

3. Sit down and review the contract. Think of what does it mean to be together. Talk not about abstract things but about specific behavior in actions. Talk about yourself too. Of course, discuss the aspect of infidelity: what is and what is not.

4. Take care of yourself. Fullness destroys symbiosis and builds boundaries. It is useful! The very "dissolution" that deprives you of yourself disappears. Now to oxytocin. The reaction has already begun! You show it in your care and have already begun to receive it from your partner. Let's put it into the framework of a new contract. You open your eyes to the world, and to those (pretty) people who pass you by. Your self-esteem and sexuality grow. And the result is what? That's right, the ENERGY of a new relationship with your partner. I guarantee that your partner will think thirty times before passing in front of you in family underpants after that.

And finally, a very important part of any reboot.

5. Regular feedback. I could refer to it as a tool, but this thing has to be fixed at the level of worldview because it is the most basic thing. It allows us to reflect on someone and realize who we are (with a share of criticism, of course, and with someone we trust). Yes, we need to praise our partners. Let's go back to the same cheating. She may cheat because her husband does not talk about her sexuality (fear of death and all that). Simple words, "You're doing great!" replace a few passable "I love you". Simple? Try it. You'll get tired on the first day. But it is worth it. I believe in you. You can do it.

Someone will say, "If I suggest this to my husband, he'll tell me I'm crazy."

If you don't try, you'll go crazy much faster.

This is an algorithm. Clear and working.

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