What to do about school loser syndrome
Of course, every child has his or her own personality traits, and thanks to them, they can be interesting in communication or capable of certain activities. That is, these psychological characteristics affect both their character and the success of the things they do. But starting from the age of about seven, and almost until adulthood, one of their most important responsibilities is to successfully complete their school education. And it is often during this period that, to the surprise and disappointment of parents, a seemingly intelligent and talented child can turn into a real failure, failing at school.
Many scientific studies have been devoted to this problem. And today I want to explain to you, and above all to parents, what the modern science of psychology has to say about this.
So, the first thing you need to understand is that when a child starts going to school, he or she always experiences some stress. It is explained by the new level of responsibility and the results that teachers and, most importantly, his family expect from him. In general, a lot of parents believe that a "good child" is one who studies very well, in all subjects at once. Therefore, they perceive failures and mistakes very negatively, and openly tell their child about them.
As a result, a sad paradox arises: parents, trying to make their child study better with their negative assessment, without realizing it, only worsen this situation. Children, especially those with a sensitive nervous system, react to this with a sharp reaction and suffer even more from low self-esteem. And this moment necessarily affects their studies, because then they begin to avoid difficult tasks and lessons - and I'm talking about school absenteeism.
This is how a student is labeled a "failure" not only in their studies but also in their communication with peers. And when adolescence comes, with its own hormonal explosion, a teenager's emotions and character can quickly change to complete disobedience to parents. But in such circumstances, the "stigma of failure" is bound to remain. And then it's just one step away from joining a gang of hooligans or some other antisocial group. Thus, a child can very quickly go all the way from a simple school failure to a completely unsuccessful adult. By the way, I talked about this problem in more detail in my last article.
But what should you do to prevent or stop your child from slipping into such a social pit?
Here are some basic tips, with some explanations.
1) Never compare your child's success with the achievements of more successful children or adults.
It is useful to compare a child only with his or her former self, and be sure to praise him or her for improving his or her own results. For example, if a child made one less mistake in a dictation today than in the previous one, this is the moment to focus his or her attention.
And to encourage them if today's result is worse than last time. Because only those who do not want to do anything at all do not make mistakes.
2) Allow your child to make mistakes.
Without mistakes, there is no experience, and without it, there will be no success. Therefore, do not dramatize your child's mistakes, but rather teach him to make his own choices, making conscious decisions. And constantly remind your son or daughter that even if they make a mistake, you will never turn away from them and will love them for who they are. This will definitely reinforce your trust in each other and lead to a more sincere expression of your best feelings.
3) Do not focus on school grades, but on the knowledge that your child has learned.
Yes, school grades are important in the sense of how a child generally responds to the subjects they are taught. But not all of these subjects may be interesting to them. Because most children have a predisposition to a certain area of knowledge and skills. It's not for nothing that they are divided into those who are more interested in the humanities and those who are more interested in the sciences. Therefore, it is better to talk not about grades, but about what the child has memorized during the lessons. And what he or she found most interesting and useful.
4) Be sure to praise your child not only for a specific result, but also for trying to achieve it. As we have already found out, children can have a great interest in some school subjects and almost none in others. Therefore, if your child already has a "loser syndrome" in those subjects that are not interesting to him or her, then note his or her desire to somehow fix it.
And you should always praise your child for such attempts, not only when he or she just sits quietly and does not interfere with adults doing their own thing...
5) Be sure to find the field of activity that interests your child the most.
I'll let you in on a little secret - if a person, and especially a child, manages to find their favorite thing to do, something they enjoy so much that they are willing to do it even for free, this is the perfect path to complete success in adulthood. To do this, communicate with your children more often and try to understand what they are interested in. And in what direction they dream of moving in life. Because it is these directions that we are best at, and every success along the way energizes us positively and inspires us to continuous and sincere self-improvement.
To summarize all of the above, I would only add that children, especially those with sensitive psyches, often perceive their failures as defeats. And not yet knowing how to lose, they themselves can perceive each such "defeat" as something fatal and irreparable, believing that now close friends and girlfriends will turn away from them. And this is where you, dear parents, really need to be there to explain to your child, at least in your own words, the saying attributed to Machiavelli:
"The winner has many friends, but the loser has real friends ." And may your common desire for new successes and a sense of mutual understanding never leave you.