The sexologist named the main danger of dating sites and revealed the benefits of sex on the first date. Exclusive
In today's world, meeting someone "on the street" is quite difficult, so people often look for partners online. But few women are aware of the dangers that may lurk behind the profile of a handsome, wealthy man.
Especially for OBOZREVATEL, sexologist and psychologist Kateryna Buchynska told us what kind of men are most often found on dating sites, why the 3-date rule doesn't work, and how to determine whether a partner is only interested in sex without a relationship.
Buchynska says that two types of men most often offer sex on dating sites:
- those who are busy with work and business who don't have time for dating and relationships, but who can offer financial assistance or gifts in return;
- lazy, impudent men with complexes who offer it with the hope that "maybe she'll accept."
The sexologist claims that such men should be avoided if you are looking for a partner for the future.
"If you're looking for a relationship, then you should build dating on relationships. And we avoid men who offer sex on the first date or a relationship without commitment, we just don't choose them," Kateryna recommends.
At the same time, she notes that there are a large number of women who may be interested in this for various reasons. For example, if their sex life with their husband doesn't work out in marriage or if they have a lot of projects and work.
According to Kateryna, if a woman wants to have sex on the first date and is morally comfortable with it, there is nothing wrong with it.
"It happens that people realize right away on the first date that this is their person. And if a woman has good self-esteem, self-confidence, and respect for her feelings, then this is not a threat. But it's very important to understand your value and not to think that he won't call tomorrow," the expert says.
At the same time, if you want to, but are guided by the 3-date rule and your worries that he won't call tomorrow, it's still better to delay the moment of first intimacy.
"These three dates are necessary to get to know a person, to communicate, to get closer, to 'sniff around', to understand whether you are ready. The first meetings are aimed at simply getting to know each other and making an adequate decision, and do not mean that you can check a box and that's it," Buchynska explains.
She argues that if there are unresolved issues with self-esteem, having sex on the first date will be psychologically damaging.
"But if you are psychologically ready, mature, and know that you can handle it, regardless of whether he calls or not, and you are sure that you are taking this step only because of passion, then it's okay," the expert says.
She also noted that women are most afraid of men's attitudes and what they might think if they do accept a sex proposal.
"Practice shows that many couples who have been together for a long time have had sex on the first date. This suggests that people intuitively made this decision, and it turned out so well that they managed to translate this communication correctly. No one was imposing any complexes on anyone: "a slut," "a whore with her legs spread, and so on," and so forth. A normal person would never say such things," the sexologist notes.
But there are other pitfalls. A new sexual partner may simply be uninterested in the relationship. In this case, the expert says, you should ask about it right away.
"We have the right to ask anything that interests us. You don't have to live with guesswork. If you immediately feel uncertain about the relationship and the thought creeps in that he only wants sex from you, then immediately ask the question directly and explain why you feel this way," says Kateryna.
According to Buchynska, women are wired to be silent, to be patient and to wait, but this is a destructive position. It is important to remember that there will always be someone who will meet your requirements and principles.