"Don't ask!" The psychologist from "The Bachelor" and "DNA Secrets" gave advice on how to deal with a man who has returned from the war

Svitlana Arefnia, a family psychologist known for her participation in many STB shows, shared her advice on how to help people who have returned from the frontline get used to civilian life so as not to harm either them or their relationships. First of all, one should not interrogate about the events in the combat zone. According to the psychologist, this will cause even more damage to the mental state.

In an interview with Slava Demin on the Slava+ project on YouTube, Arefnia explained that ideally, both the military, for whom it will be treatment, and their families should work with specialists. In particular, there is no need to be afraid of mental rehabilitation - it is the only way to fully adapt a military to a relatively peaceful life.

"There are two sides to this. First, all military personnel returning from the front need to undergo rehabilitation. And nowadays rehabilitation is developing as a multidisciplinary one: not only a psychologist, not only a psychotherapist, but also a sociologist, psychiatrist, neurologist... There are many specialists who deal with the adaptation of military personnel to civilian life, and this is the main thing. The second is working with military families. There are a lot of projects and centers that teach families how to deal with the military, because there are many recommendations that need to be followed," the psychologist explained.

She also provided three tips to follow if there is currently no opportunity to visit specialists, but you need to help your husband "return to reality." The most important of these is strict control over issues of service.

1. Do not ask the soldier about what happened at the front

"If they don't tell you, if they don't share their emotions, you shouldn't pull them out, you shouldn't blame them, you shouldn't force them to tell you what happened there. Because he somehow contained these experiences, he somehow learned to live with them during this time, he learned to cope with these experiences. Any control over these processes can only be done under the supervision of a specialist," Arefnia said.

2. Observe the person's behavior

"Watch how they adapt, creating comfortable conditions as much as possible. This does not mean [you have to do everything the military wants]. Give the person time to adapt. Don't ask, don't put pressure, just observe what the person does, how they adapt, what they ask for. Listen to this in the first moments," she added.

3. Reflections on the future and pleasant memories

"If you realize that the person has more or less adapted, that he or she is eating, not crying, screaming, hiding, closing the curtains, or tossing and turning at night, that is, everything is fine and there are no symptoms of the disease, then you can return to pleasant memories. And from this, you can build a bridge to your dreams," the psychologist explained about the last stage of "home" rehabilitation.

Svitlana Arefnia also noted that the military's rejection of civilian life is due to the loss of the meaning of life in a peaceful environment. Because of this, many soldiers "dream" of returning to the front to join their comrades.

"Therefore, if you start organizing his life so that he can adapt, somehow involve him in some activity. You start dreaming "when the war is over, we'll go away with you..." You find things to do together, involve him in some simple activity, and he begins to feel needed here and now," she said.

However, we should not forget that after returning from the combat zone, a man can be completely different: sometimes more callous, sometimes indifferent, but definitely not the same as he was before in civilian life.

"This is the first thing a woman faces and has to come to terms with. This is a different person, so try to get to know this person again. And you definitely need to be patient. You need to find new features. No pressure, no rush, no accusations," Arefnia said.

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