Do not let yourself be controlled: what phrases are most often used by manipulators

People who try to psychologically force you to do something you don't want to do, often to your own detriment, are called manipulators. They are quite dangerous, but it's not that hard to recognize them. It can be done with the help of typical phrases they use to influence your emotions and feelings.

OBOZREVATEL has compiled a list of such phrases. If you hear something like this in your communication, keep in mind that it's very likely that someone is trying to put pressure on you unnoticed.

Do you really think I'm making this up?

With this phrase, the manipulator is trying to make you doubt not his words or actions, but your own vision, to undermine your self-confidence. To shift the focus to you and make you feel guilty for being suspicious.

It didn't happen

A type of manipulation when they try to make you doubt the reality of what is happening, in your own memories, is called gaslighting. The manipulator tries to present everything in a way that benefits him. In this case, your confidence suffers and your psychological dependence on the abuser increases.

You are too sensitive (easily offended)

This type of gaslighting is aimed at making a person doubt the authenticity of their feelings. If what's inside you is not real, then what is real at all? It also devalues the victim's feelings. It is especially dangerous to say such things to children, as it creates a distorted and low self-esteem in them.

You are not normal, others think so too

And this is a blow to your sense of common sense. It can be accompanied by gossip about the inadequacy of the person against whom the gaslighting is directed - this deprives the victim of support from loved ones and weakens them. Remember: mental illness is a diagnosis that can only be made by a psychiatrist.

I'm sorry you think I hurt you

Another option is to manipulate the victim's feelings and devalue them. In this way, the manipulator shifts the responsibility for his behavior onto the victim, trying to make him believe that it was not the act that was wrong, but the reaction to it.

You don't really think so

A typical deliberate blow to the victim's sense of self-worth. It is rude and unfounded. Only you can know what you really think.

You're trying to confuse me

This phrase is used by manipulators during arguments aimed at finally putting everything on the shelves. This way, they create the illusion of futility, even if things were actually going well. They also make the victim start to doubt their own words, actions, and intentions.

You know I never hurt you on purpose

Another false apology. It really doesn't matter if the pain was caused on purpose or by accident - the offender should apologize for it. If they are trying to get away from it in this way, it is manipulation.

Others are much worse

Gross devaluation slipped under the guise of an attempt to console. Yes, perhaps someone else is really doing much worse, but you can only live with your own problems.

It's your fault that I did what I did

Any shifting of blame to the victim is manipulation. One of the most common options is to assure that it was the victim of violence who drove her abuser to the point where he or she raised his or her hand or otherwise hurt her.

Earlier, OBOZREVATEL told you what phrases in communication can cause a quarrel, even if you say them unintentionally.

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