Do opposites really attract in relationships? Study shows unexpected results

According to the laws of physics, opposite poles attract. Some people believe that these laws also apply to human relationships, but this is not the case.

A number of studies conducted over the past few decades have shown that people tend to date those who are more like them. After all, people with common traits are more likely to build long-term relationships, LiveScience writes.

Do opposites really attract?

"When people talk about opposites attracting, that's thought of as being, 'Oh, I know this one couple; they got together, and they don't have a lot in common.' But it tends to be the exception to the rule," said Erica Slotter, a psychologist at Villanova University in Pennsylvania.

According to scientists, similarity plays a key role at all stages of relationship formation. "Most of the time, people say they want people who are like them. This holds for all sorts of attributes, such as socioeconomic status, religion, political orientation and hobbies," Slotter said.

Tanya Horwitz, a researcher at the University of Colorado, studied data on people who were in long-term relationships. The results showed that about 89% of the traits between partners were similar. That is, if one person does a lot of sports, their partner is likely to do the same. This applied to politics, habits, or even substance use.

One trait that usually differs between partners is how they take responsibility in social interactions, also known as social dominance, the researchers say.

"If both individuals in a pair are dominant, they tend to butt heads. In contrast, two submissive, go-with-the-flow people may never deal with problems in a relationship. People with opposing social dominance tend to be happier than those with similar scores," Slotter added.

Speed dating

Researchers say that two people who are different from each other can be attracted by the chemistry. Speed dating studies have shown that what we want from a partner is not always the same as who we are physically or emotionally attracted to. Scientists say that this process cannot be explained.

According to Erica, this is partly because when we communicate with someone face-to-face, we still look for similarities, but in a more holistic way.

The researchers emphasize that over time, partners can become more similar, a phenomenon called convergence. After all, spending time together can change things like habits and lifestyles. It can also increase attraction as the relationship develops, added Tanya.

A 2000 study found that relationship satisfaction depended on whether people thought their partner was similar to them. "It's really about that … subjective judgment you make. If you feel like this person is similar to you, go for it. Because … that seems to matter the most," Erica summarized.

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