How to understand that your partner is an abuser. 5 signs of emotional abuse

Ulyana VynogradovaLife
Abusers use special phrases

Emotional (psychological) violence has subtleties that are very difficult to notice. Not only for outsiders, but also for victims themselves. Therapist Shari Steins, who specializes in recovery from violence, calls it insidious and normal for the abuser.

According to Nuff Post, gaslighting, criticism, insult, belittling, accusations, threats, isolation, and denial of love or money can be forms of emotional abuse. These are tactics used by abusers to undermine their partner's confidence and independence, thus allowing them to maintain power and control in the relationship.

Emotional abusers may claim that you are losing your mind

At the same time, the abusive relationship may seem loving and caring at first. Often, in the early days, the abuser uses courtship techniques "to lure the victim into a rope before pulling the rug out from under them."

"This 'kindness' is designed to gain the unsuspecting victim's trust, leaving them vulnerable to further abuse," says Lisa Ferenc, a licensed clinical social worker and trauma educator.

The danger of psychological violence is that it can escalate into physical violence.

Experts have compiled a list of the most common phrases used by abusive partners.

They say you're crazy

1. "You're too sensitive"

Emotional abusers will try to dismiss your true feelings about something they have done that is offensive. They will make excuses, saying it's a joke and you are too sensitive.

"It takes the focus off the abusive behavior and makes someone feel ashamed," says Stephanie Moulton, a psychotherapist and author of Gaslighting: Recognizing Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People - and Breaking Free.

Abusers try to gain control in a relationship

2. "You are impossible to please"

Abusers may give ambiguous compliments, and when you tell them about it, you will hear denials and that you are impossible to please.

"The victim is confused and thinks: "It is impossible to please me". That's because her abuser is so abusive that she often feels dissatisfied. It is not really her fault that she feels so unhappy. It is really the fault of her abuser, who continues to cause psychological pain," the expert added.

3. "Why do you attach so much importance to this?"

Very often, abusers deceive their victims and do not allow them to express their own position. They say that you attach too much importance to things if you don't want to explain your actions.

"The victim will say: "I felt ignored or disturbed". The abuser will respond with something like: "You're too sensitive" or "You always overreact." These comments are silencing and the person will not dare to ask similar questions again, either now or in the future," says Steins.

Victims are unable to prove their case

4. "You don't know what you're talking about"

The harassers will do anything to make you doubt your own judgment and feelings. They may say it never happened or that you have a bad memory.

"This leads to a person relying on the gossip columnist to present them with the 'correct' version of reality. Someone may feel they are losing their mind and become addicted," added Moulton Sarkis.

5. "Everyone thinks you're crazy"

This is a common phrase among rapists. As soon as they make the victim doubt their own perception, they rush to convince them that other people think they are mentally unstable. In this way, they will further undermine their partner's confidence.

"It's disrespectful and makes a person feel like they have no support from the outside, which isolates them from friends and family. The more isolated a person feels, the less likely they are to end an abusive relationship," the expert said.

Emotional abuse is often followed by physical abuse


An abuser is a person who uses criticism, accusations, gaslighting, manipulation, and sometimes physical force to control other people.

An abusive relationship is a relationship in which one person (abuser) violates the personal boundaries of another person through violence (physical, sexual, psychological, etc.) in order to suppress the will and subjugate them.

Earlier, OBOZREVATEL wrote about how a traumatic relationship with a mother determines the fate of a daughter. They can either ruin a woman's life or make it happy.

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