Make no mistake: 10 phrases that destroy children's self-esteem and "kill" self-confidence

Often during the educational process or simply when talking to children, parents unconsciously use phrases that can cause harm to the child. In this case, parents may not even notice what mistake they are making, but in the future certain words of mother or father may affect the self-esteem of the child.

The use of wrong words can "kill" in the child's self-confidence, so psychologists recommend avoiding certain words. This is reported by Baby Creysi.

A child's self-esteem is shaped by the exchange of affection they have with their loved ones: mom, dad, family, friends, etc. Therefore, every word that a loved one says to a child will affect them.

Psychologists have proven that there is a close relationship between parental behavior and children's self-esteem. In the first years of life, information about oneself comes almost exclusively from parents. Over the years, other significant figures such as teachers, classmates and friends join in.

Parents often repeat words without realizing the damage they can do to children. Therefore, psychologists have compiled a list of 10 phrases that destroy children's self-esteem.

Phrases that promote the inability to do anything on your own:

You can't do anything right;

I don't know when you'll learn;

You totally suck;

I'd rather do it myself.

The main belief taught by such phrases is ineptitude. A child always takes the words of his parents closely, so he acts accordingly. Instead of working to improve his abilities, he unconsciously tries to show that he really "can't do anything right".

Thepositive alternative: we all have abilities and limitations. With patience and practice, you can do anything. Let's work together until you achieve it.

Phrases that put a label on you

You're a liar;

You're fat;

You're weak.

Labels emphasize children's "negative" characteristics and make them feel inferior. Also, these phrases create problems with the child's self-identity.

Positive alternative: if what you say doesn't match what you do, I'll have a hard time taking your word for it. You are normal, with your own strengths and weaknesses. If you want to make a change, I can help. It's okay to cry, it helps you calm down.

Phrases that humiliate

Shut up, don't say stupid things;

Are you stupid or are you just pretending to be?

You're old enough to stop wetting the bed;

You look ridiculous in that;

I'm going to spank you in front of your friends;

You're embarrassing me;

When a child's opinion is demeaned, a child's difficulty is revealed or even put on display, it is humiliation. The psychological consequences of shame and humiliation include reduced self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

Positive alternative: I'll explain it better, don't worry. You'll get the result. Are you comfortable in what you're wearing? Good!!!

Guilt-inducing phrases

Do you see the problems you're causing?

You're driving me crazy;

If you leave, I'll be very sad;

You'll give me a heart attack;

Blaming children for situations they cannot control leads them to believe that they are responsible, even though parents know full well that this is a lie. Shifting blame to the child can cause the child a great deal of anxiety.

Positive alternative: let's both calm down. Adult problems are not your fault. When you're not around, I miss you, but I know you'll be okay. If you have any problems, call me, you can trust me.

Phrases that devalue love

Not now, I'm busy;

Get away from me;

Go away, I don't want to see you;

Go away, I don't love you anymore;

If parents reject their child when he wants to express affection, they are sending him a very destructive message: he does not deserve love. He will not feel safe, loved and accepted.

Positive alternative: you are the most important thing to me, but right now I have something urgent to deal with. Give me a few minutes and I'm with you. I love you, you can be sure of that.

Phrases that compare the child

Why aren't you as smart as my friend's son?

Your brother was much better at your age;

I wish you were like your cousin;

Only jealousy, resentment and rivalry are created through comparisons. The child sees the other as an unattainable model and will believe that he or she must be different to be loved. Identity and acceptance problems arise because of such phrases. The child will not know who he or she is and will try to imitate others.

Positive alternative: You're doing well, we'll keep trying. I will help you. It's not a competition, everyone has their place.

Phrases that threaten

If you don't do it, I'll punish you;

You'd better get here right away;

I'll leave you alone, I've had enough;

If you misbehave, Santa won't bring you any presents.

Threats are based on fear and undermine children's trust in their parents. Such phrases teach children that it is acceptable to use intimidation to get the desired result. Moreover, if the threat is not carried out, parents will lose trust and signal that their words mean nothing.

Positive alternative: every action has consequences, if you don't follow through, you will have to take responsibility.

Phrases striving for perfection.

Your grades mean you didn't study enough;

You should always get only good grades.

It is good to instill discipline and effort, but not to the point of demanding perfection. Otherwise, parents can create inflated expectations that are difficult to achieve, as well as chronic dissatisfaction. In the future, children will think a lot about possible mistakes they make, no matter how small.

Positive alternative: you tried hard, and that's what counts! If you can give more, do it.

Phrases that predict failure

You're lazy, so you'll never achieve anything in life;

You will never succeed;

You will always be a failure;

If you don't study, you will become ignorant.

The intention of the parents is for the children to realize that they will regret it if they don't get good grades or make bad decisions. However, this does not result in a positive reaction, but frustration, disinterest and anger because they think that parents do not believe in them.

Positive alternative: I know you can be more successful. People who learn have more tools to succeed. You have a lot of potential.

Phrases of hate or verbal aggression

I hate you;

I wish you had never been born;

You make me sick;

You're nothing but trouble.

Verbal abuse, which some parents use in raising their children, is the worst solution. This method of communication causes emotional and psychological damage that is imperceptible to the eye, but with deep traces.

The positive alternative: I love you.

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